Sunday, September 06, 2009

I had the opportunity to see my husband before he left for Iraq. He's been in a class for the past two weeks and the channel flight departed close to our home. It was a no brainer that we would make the effort to see him again.

It was wonderful except that we had to say good-bye . . . again.

You would think by now that we'd be a pro at these sort of things, but honestly it's becoming harder as this deployment continues.

I'm praying that we never endure another deployment away from a post again. While I have friends who have blessed us with help, the understanding is just not there.

And please understand that I don't expect it to be.

Nobody can understand what it's like to say good-bye, sending a loved one into a war zone, until you've done so. Living without your spouse, whose life is in constant danger for a year, just isn't the norm.

Which leads me to the point of all this.


You need it.

Believe me.

Especially on days like today.

I had a fellow Army wife walk into my house the other day and her first words were "WHERE IS YOUR SUPPORT?" Having always lived on either post or close to one, she could not imagine enduring a deployment away from family, either biological or Army.

I now understand why ladies pack up and rent homes close to their families during deployments.
I now understand why base housing, no matter what the condition, provides comfort and a place of immeasurable support.

Days like today and plenty others in between just plain suck. There is a loneliness and emptiness to them that needs to be fought off with the soothing balm of love and kindness that comes from those closest to you.

The aching hole in my heart, my family, my home, etc., needs to be tended too and sometimes it's just too much for me to "fix".

I told myself that I would be brave, strong, and do this mostly by myself.

Today is one of those days where I really regret making that choice.

I'm sad, lonely, desperately missing my husband, and I need a hug.

Maybe I'll just start with a cup of coffee . . . .

And a quiet time where I'll ask Him for strength, peace, and warmth in my heart.

And I'll put my head down, begin to plow forward, and continue counting the days.


Rach said...

Not even close to what you need, but my thoughts are with you and here is one big cyber hug...

Denise said...

We are also in the middle of a deployment and although we live close to a post we live off post and I can so relate to not feeling the support. We have 137 days left (not that we are counting). Saying a prayer for you right now.

Amy said...

Denise - Do you have a blog? Would love to keep up with you as you wait.
Where is your hubby?
We are right around 100 days too.

Amy said...

I will say a prayer for strengh. I have enjoyed keeping up with your family. amy

Pam, mom, honey, said...

It is the nights or early mornings when the house is quiet, the quiet that I normally love but so quiet that you remember you are alone. it is when the dog that only barks for your husbands vehicle pulls in the driveway starts barking. it is the times you climb into the passanger seat after church and then remember you are the one driving home. We also live on post but I will say our last deployment was the hardest because he went with a transition team which means he went with guys from every where and there literally were only a handful of women here whose husbands were deployed and it was not with my husband. good byes are hard no matter how many times you have done it. i think it just sinkss in faster the more you do it. I hope this is his last deployment for you too. For us my husband is at warrant school and while he has served 16 years he still has at least another 6. so after 7 deployments I am betting we have a few more. feel free to plan a coffee date (or mountain dew for me) we could chat and laugh about how we keep track of times. my youngest says 2 more co ops and then we see daddy. My son counts by pay days and I count by the amount of times I go to church alone.