Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Let Me Introduce Myself . . .

Well hello!

I believe we haven't met!

My name is The Meanest Mom in the World.

What? You thought my name was Amy?


Well, then we haven't been introduced, and that isn't very proper. Please, let me take a minute to explain how I received such an honorable distinction. Believe me! It wasn't easy!

Becoming The Meanest Mom in the World takes time. It's a constant work in progress. I think I began working towards this honor when my children were young, and I made them use manners. Yeeesssss . . . Can you believe that? "Please" and "thank you" when they were just bitty things, and do you know what? Sometimes I would pretend not to hear them until they said it. HA! How mean can you get?

I quickly moved to other actions that really set me up for this badge of honor. We don't have all night, so let me share just a few of the highlights.

1. We don't drink soda on a regular basis. Water or milk with meals except for the occasional treat.

2. No taking the Lord's name in vain. I know everyone says "Oh my God", but we don't because not only do I want to be mean, but I like to be weird too.

3. We wear helmets when riding bikes or any other object that moves.

4. I put flaxseed meal in food.

5. You are not allowed to physically hurt your siblings.

6. We do not purchase toys every time we go to Walmart.

7. I make my children (Hold on to your seats people) bath and wash their hair!

8. They go to school despite their wishes to stay home and play Wii all day.

While these are just a few of my accomplishments, tonight I added another feather in my cap. Are you ready for this? What else could I do to make myself ever meaner?

I won't let my boys buy an air soft gun!

Do I hear clapping? Cheering?

Yes, even though there were tears tonight and wailing while riding a scooter (quite a feat I may add), I don't think my boys need air soft guns. Daddy is gone and I cannot supervise this sort of activity in the manner that it needs to be. So guess what? We are not going to get them until Daddy comes home, the boys have taken a class on gun safety, and other objectives have been met - i.e. better grades in math. There are other issues to discuss as well, such as how will they earn the money for these guns.

Yes, I said the words "earn money" Just another phrase in this mean mom's vocabulary.

BUT WAIT! There is more! Just when you thought I couldn't get any meaner?

It gets even better my friends. The boys shared tonight that they have been going to a friend's house where they have been "practicing" shooting "things" without any supervision. So what is this mean mom going to do?

You got it! They will not be going back to T's house until I talk with his mother! No more air soft shooting, without any eye protection, adult supervision, etc. until I have a talk with this young man's mother. Call this downright abusive, but I want to make certain that my kids are safe.

Well, I'm glad I had the chance to introduce myself. It's nice to reveal my other identity, and share my list of accomplishments. I'm actually quite proud of them, and hope that one day my children will be as well.

What are a few of the mean things that you do around your home? Please share. I'm always looking for new ways to improve myself!


Amy said...

From one Amy to another...we too teach manners at my house. When we get in the van my Gage would say over and over "movie, mama, earphones, mama" he would say it until he was granted his wish. I would then say "gage you have to talk to me"...he would reply "movie please" then I would turn it on. I was pulling out of the drive way the other day and it started again...but I get tired of prompting him to say the right I waited. After about 5 times of asking he said "Mom listen" I said "ok" he said "earphones please". I just had to laugh...he finally got it! You stick to your guns (not soft air guns though) and keep up the manners! Enjoying your blog...just a daily account of your day as is mine.

Amanda Holm said...

Tsk. So cruel. Do you know how mean I was to my older son this morning? I told him to get his daytime clothes on. And then expected him to DO IT. And then had the nerve to express my displeasure that he hadn't, after repeated reminders. Oh, how I relish torturing him thusly.

Amy said...

That's another one of my favorites. Listening. I expect you to do it and without an attitude.

Andrea said...

It is nice to meet you mean mom! (and Amy too!) I hope to attain mean mom status and am doing my best as my little man grows. Can you believe I made him clean up his blocks?! (Well, I didn't, but I told him if I had to clean them up, he wasn't going to play with them until Daddy comes home on Saturday-those blocks got picked up pretty fast!)

Rach said...

Oh man...I'm right there with you! I guess we can start a club:)

Mike and Katie said...

I love it!!!

I've had two friends whose children had major eye injuring from a paintball gun and a b-b gun. You are stupendously mean and vey wise.