Saturday, January 12, 2008

Thoughts anyone?

For $250 dollars, we can register Anna in a DNA database that may help us locate her biological relatives. I have to admit that it's somewhat strange to think of our daughter as having family out there that we are not aware of. This morning I was looking at photos from the place where she was born, and it's . . . hmmmmm . . . I just don't know how to describe it. Anna is so much a part of our family, so much a Bashaw, that I often forget that she had a life before us! I know that sounds crazy - I'm sure some of you are thinking "But she looks nothing like you!How could you forget!?!?" - but I think most adoptive parents would agree with me. You almost forget about their life that was before they came into your family. They are so much a part of you, your family, your memories, etc. that you forget about the life before your family. It's not denial. It's just what you focus on; her first steps with us, her first day of preschool, her first Christmas, her first time seeing the Disney Princess castle, how she likes to style my hair, do my make-up, etc. I just don't think about her "China life" anymore. I think about our family memories.

So now I'm pondering what to do about this. Why wouldn't I? Well, for one thing, there's the money, which we have little of after Christmas, Disney, a broken washing machine, missing work due to the flu, etc. The money, however, will return so it's truly not a major issue.

Besides the money, why else should I say "no" to the opportunity for something that she has so little of already? Information on her biological family. A connection with a biological family. Some say this is not important, but after reading Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew , I know that this may mean the world to Anna some day. How can I tell her that we had this chance and passed it up?

I'd like thoughts on this. I never thought this would even be a possibility, and now I'm standing at the door, wondering if going in is a good idea. Please, share with me. I'd love to know what you think.

6 comments:

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

(same as last entry, edited for typo)

You're right about the difficulty comprehending that our daughters had a life before us! We can't imagine our lives before our daughter either. I already read Twenty Things, and if there's a chance that Martina could meet biological relatives later, I think I should give her the chance. As for getting the money together right after Christmas, etc., is this an opportunity that is open at any time? I'd be interested in hearing about some of the experiences of people who've done this, and THEN signing up a little bit later.

Amy said...

Hey girl - Good idea. Hear about others who have done this, what the outcome has been, etc. I'm joining a Yahoo group for families from her province who are searching, and it'll be interesting to see how things work out for them.
Thanks for your thoughts. It's really interesting to think about.

Nannie and Papa said...

I would let this decision rest with Anna, when and if she wants to know. It is nice to have this data available. I wonder how many parents with children from China have had any success using this information. I think your comments on how hard it is to imgaine Anna's life before our family are a witness to the love and complete success of her adoption.
Anna is your precious daughter, our first granddaughter and everyone's niece!
We too don't see anyone else.
Love Nannie and Papa

Heidi said...

Wow, this is a difficult decision. It's hard to know what she will want in the future. I don't think I have any good advice but since we are interested in adoption in the the future, I'm interested to see how this goes. Thanks for letting us in on your struggles.

Christy said...

No advice, but I will pray for you guys as you come to a decision.

God Bless