Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Does Anything Hurt More?

I delivered both of my boys sans epidural. You would think this would top the list of life's most painful events. I have, however, found something that beats "natural childbirth" hands down; seeing your child hurt, truly sad, etc.

A few weeks ago at VBS my older son had a bully in his group. A bully at VBS - of all places!! He spent the first day making sure everyone knew he was the top dog. He did this through little mean comments, and when it came to my son, it was a punch in the stomach while standing in line at the water fountain. I thank God my mom was his group leader. She saw the entire thing (I would have had a hard time believing my son received an unprovoked knock in the belly) and was able to comfort poor David. He cried and his feelings were so hurt. My mom shared the story with me and I was sad, mad, and disappointed. I'm still trying to protect my kids from the ways of the world so to speak. It just plain sucks to have to explain "There are just some people in this world who are like that!"

After VBS on Monday of this week, I knew something was wrong as soon as I picked up my oldest. The teacher told me "David tells me today is his last day!" As I was trying to figure this out I glanced around the corner and saw my son red faced and brushing away tears. We went to the car and he was crying and mumbling the whole way "I don't ever want to come back". Someone had stepped on his fingers during a game of freeze tag, and he was embarrassed because it hurt, sad because his feelings had been hurt, and worried that this would happen again.

As I sat there wiping his tears away, I tired to explain the whole "facts of life" - not everyone is nice, accidents happen, etc. Inside I was crying as I was wiping away my son's tears. My mom had to chuckle somewhat because, as she puts it, it only gets harder as they get older.

She shared the story about our move from California to Virginia. My youngest sister was in third grade, and did not do well with the transition. On the first day of school, she asked the teacher "What direction is California?" She then climbed to the top of the playset, sat facing towards the direction of California, and began to look for her friends. This is how my mom would find her at the end of school for weeks, just sitting, staring, and longing for a familiar face to appear. Ouch.

As a parent, you so want your kids to be happy and accepted. You want them to always have fun, and to be treated in a fair and loving manner. What's the best thing to do when this doesn't happen? How can you keep upbeat and positive while you are crying and hurting on the inside? I'd love to know . . .


Sharon said...

Aww, poor guy! And of all places.
We all think we've met pain, until we become a parent w/ our hearts walking outside our body, right?

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I have yet to experience what you have as my boys are still so young, but they are growing up fast. I have experienced enough heartache as a mom, tho, and it is not easy. I think sometimes the only way I get through tough times like that is to not give up, not talk negatively, and learn from it!